It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
