Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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