i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
