I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
