smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
