break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
My butt remains clenched, sir.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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