Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
