he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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