so explain again why im purple
no
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
