True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
