All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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