are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
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