May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
