Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize