he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
