You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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