She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
