he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
