we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Randomize
