Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
You can't special order awesome
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Randomize