I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
