I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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