best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
