oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
