I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
