if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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