I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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