get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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