So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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