He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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