I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Randomize
