I think my fart just growled at me.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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