Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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