I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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