my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
