I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
