I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
