So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize