I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
it hurts more in the daytime
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
