Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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