So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
