Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I want a musical about memes.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
