You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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