he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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