drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
