Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
