Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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