these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
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