Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
What a fucking waste of an outfit
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
