My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
