This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I am one with the molecules
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
