he thought i was a dude.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
