I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
