meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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