she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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