I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
The air was thick with penises
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
