Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Randomize
