For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
you never un-have a 4some
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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