Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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