His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
