Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
