A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
The air taste purple.
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