it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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