i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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