so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Sorry about my life...
Randomize