Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
