Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
