He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
