I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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