She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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