dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
