Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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