So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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