I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
