I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize