I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
