ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I want to walk on stilts...naked
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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