seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
