You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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