he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
