I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
