it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
