I wish I could punch you in the face.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
