her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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