Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize