WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
