ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
