In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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