There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
