Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
The uberlube is also flammable
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
You peed on a flamingo?!?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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