he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I can't trust your balls anymore.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
