He told me they were just razor bumps!
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
