Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Randomize
