Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
