I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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